That was me on New Year's Day 2015 and 2016. Year after every year, I seem to have not achieve anything significant.
Yes, I got into an amazing university and went on a once in a lifetime volunteering programme last summer (read it here). However, there were days where I felt that I could be doing something worth being enthusiastic about. There were great memories, but all it was were just temporary excitement and by the time these moments became memories, the excitement just faded. Then, I found myself living a life limited by the routines I set myself and the bubble I created.
2015 Summer volunteering at a plantation school in Lahad Datu
Me in my university freshers' dorm, looking all happy and excited about uni. (Sept 2016)
Few days ago, the bubble that I so comfortably live up until that moment, became the bane of my existence. Within this bubble, I have become complacent with what I have and just settled. I was complacent with my body, albeit it being seriously unfit and flabby; I was complacent with my current lifestyle and goals, i.e. doing whatever was easiest and most convenient. I wasn't motivated to do anything, my life just lacked that enthusiasm to do something worth that adrenaline pump that I was used to having when I was still competitively fencing.
I was watching Christine Chan's goodbye video and she mentioned that daydreaming is a sign that your body still has a wish to do something different (p.s. the vid is full of amazing advice!). This longing for excitement was all a daydream until I was woken up.
The woke up call came from an impromptu enrollment to a 3-week health plan with my mentor, Amy. Like any other health plan, you have food diaries, workout plans and a change in lifestyle. However, the one (good) difference is that there is a community doing this alongside you. The Facebook group is a constant update of seeing other people making that first step to changing their lifestyle and somehow, the competitive spirit inside me woke up. I wanted to show people that I could do it as well.
That's when my enthusiasm started pumping excitement back into my life. I can look forward to a new day of getting my lazy bum off the couch for the day, constantly challenging myself to NOT eat that piece of fried chicken.
I realised that the only thing getting me really excited was changing my body, for the better.
*warning it is going to get real*
To be honest, I'm quite tired of being called fat or chubby. I've been called that for as long as I remember and I know people talk about my size behind my back (its okay, human tendency). I was busy controlling my acne problem and my weight had to take second priority. I was never the fit one or the better looking one among my friends or family. I am OK with not being a beauty queen, but all I want is for people to stop calling me fat. Anti-body shaming might be campaigning for beauty in all sizes, but lets be real, people still call other people fat. You might tell me that it doesn't matter what other people think, but be in my shoes for 20 years and it might change your mind.
Also, truthfully, I hate feeling unfit and looking at myself in the mirror and not feel happy. I hate feeling too self-conscious about every piece of clothing I wear. That feeling when I can no longer fit into clothes that I used to be able to eats me up inside. I hate always having to brush off body-shaming comments like it didn't hurt. I need to stop being complacent about my body.
Me in a much better shape back in 2012/3. Now, I can't even fit into those jeans! :(
I hope you can join me in this journey and give me your love, support and criticism.
No comments:
Post a Comment