2017 has been.. eventful.
Turning 21 sort of catapulted myself into a series of self-reflections and re-prioritisation. I spent a lot of time thinking about the goals that I want to set for myself. Other than completing the Bath Half in 2hours and 30minutes, I wanted something else that I could constantly hold myself accountable.
I realised that I was being too hard on myself. Granted, there were days when I allowed the occasional ice cream treat and skipping that scheduled run but afterwards, I gave myself a hard time for having a relaxed time. It is toxic and on most occasion counter-productive as I'll then stress too much about having a hard time and end up not doing anything. The cycle continues.
I have been trying to not be so hard on myself and my failure to do certain things. Thanks to Son-Rise, I have the most supportive group in this area. So incredibly grateful for them. Like the BathHalf, it is a challenge that I'm taking it day by day.
Other than this personal struggle, I am strapped for cash. Too strapped. I had to temporarily stop my part-time work to focus on my degree because I know, from experience that juggling too much will be the death of me. This time, I was scared I might've pushed myself over the edge if I continued to deny the fact that I can't do everything at once.
With a tight budget comes the trouble that is cancelling already made plans and disappointing people. It is hard and heartbreaking to be the one to cancel a weekend of fun but it wasn't worth me sacrificing one month's grocery money on. Truly living the ultimate student budget life and this time I'm not just saying it. If only I could juggle work and study during a hectic deadline schedule, I would. Unfortunately, I wasn't born with expert time managing skills so tough calls had to be made.
Don't feel sorry for me though. It is not my intention to elicit empathy from you, the reader. It is instead a self-reminder that this is a tough lesson that I have to embrace and learn from it.
Speaking of study, another realisation that dawned upon me is that I absolutely suck at academic writing. I thought I was getting better after the feedback in first year but I just come to realise that I just simply can't 'critically discuss' anything. It scares me because that is the whole core of my degree, is to be able to 'critically discuss' and have a coherent argument. Trust me, it is not like I have given up trying, I TRY to sound succinct and critical in my writing but in the feedback I always seem to 'lack coherent arguments'. UGH. As much as I love blogging and reading, academic writing is just not for me.
Having said that, I will have to power through my degree and the rest of my academic life if I ever were to be able to open my own practice. I can't go on getting 2:2s for my reports now can I? That's a C in school-terms and the Asian in me, as much as I hate the stereotype, just cannot have it.
Well, finally got that off my chest. I can finally focus on my 4 essays now. *JOY*
So goals for the year:
1. Not set hair on fire
2. Get financially stable (student standards)
3. Self-discipline
4. Be OK
5. Book sessions with the writing centre and be decent in academic writing.
Wish me luck.
