The Stress of Choice

Been three months into college and there are days where I have to let everything sink in. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm studying in Cambridge and that I'm going to university in less than 18 months.

UNIVERSITY.

For so long, it has always been a distant dream. Now, I have been spending time researching universities, their requirements for different courses and scholarships available. My UCAS list have been changing every time I find another university that offer better courses, have better facilities etc.

In retrospect, my obsession with getting into Oxbridge was mainly to make my dad proud (and also to impress people *people pleaser*). As of now, I don't really see the necessity of getting into them. I would still consider applying for either one (UCAS only allow application for one of the two), but chances are very slim. Mainly because only about 11% of applicants (for Psychology, varies for other subjects) get accepted, and from that number, only 15% are international students. The thought of it stresses me out enough already.

I know it is still early to be talking about university, seeing as the AS exam is 62 days away.. still far.

Anyways, I do have some advice for those (especially my sister) who are planning (or are going) to do A-levels in the UK:-

• Make sure your subject choices are relevant for the course you want to do in Uni. (Remember: Maths is considered a science subject) 
• In choosing where to study, location, teaching faculty and student support are key aspects to consider. You don't want to go to a college where you are not happy with it, there is really no point. 
• Don't fuss too much about how the accommodation is like. As long as there is WiFi and a kitchen, it's good enough.
• Scared that you won't make friends? Don't worry, you won't be the only one. Just have the guts to say "Hi." Common conversation starters: "Where are you from?" "What subjects are you taking?" or even "What do you think of the weather?"
• Start learning how to budget and manage your time well! Mummy won't be there to nag you to take your shower or to study. DO IT YOURSELF. 

I guess that's the best I can say right now. I'm also trying to follow my own advice, especially the last one. Physics mock tomorrow! Alright, hitting the books now. 

Thoughts and prayers going out to families and friends of those on board the MH370. Be strong. 

Sincerest gratitude to all nations who are helping out to locate the passenger jet. Ribuan terima kasih. 

Stressed.

As per normal, I am here to let off some steam.
I am becoming more and more stressed out as the mocks' are drawing near. Even though the syllabus only cover the topic that have been taught up until now, I still feel overwhelmed by the amount I have to revise.

Come to think of it, the whole thing is the least of my worries.

Money bothers me. Feelings bothers me.

Financially, I am incapable of managing my money. I was so looking forward to watch the 2014 Oscars online only to end up paying 3 quids for a subscription to the worst online movie site ever. Then, only to spend another 1 quid to cancel the damn account. Fml. I really try to save up knowing the situation my family is in.

Then the emotions never failed to stir up my already fucked up life. Just as I was comfortably living in loneliness, all external elements that I tried my best to avoid, just comes in all at once enveloping my whole soul into emotional turmoil, as if I'm not messed up enough.

Why I entangle myself into this mess, however, is a question I can never answer fully with honesty.

I am my worst critic, at the same time, my most loyal fan.

The headaches are back. The pain is back. When will it ever go away?