Saturday, February 15

Distant

For the last 5 months of 2013, I have gone through a terrible time emotionally. It was those kind of phases where I never want to relive again so I stored them in a mental safe box in my mind and vowed to never open it.

Then I came here to start everything from scratch, only to find out that, I'm not over that terrible phase yet. Although I am almost out but there are times where I just sit down and mope about it. Pathetic I know, but I can't help it. I want to know how he is doing, if he is okay. Pretty shitty feeling to be honest. 

I am lucky enough to find someone else who understands this here though I hardly bring him (ex) up because I knew it wouldn't be fair for this new guy. A close friend of mine told me I was moving too quick and my friends here said that I have to be sure about my feelings and make sure that he was not just a.. rebound, as it wouldn't be fair to him (new guy) right?

Took me a really long time and really deep thinking to realise that they may be right.

Then, he blew me away. It felt like I was happier and more comfortable with the new guy now. 

But the past still haunts me. I don't want to lose another friend.

I guess the reason why I'm still partially clinging onto the past is that I didn't really have a proper closure about it. It was kind of a cliff hanger and I needed to end it. Tried many times to initiate "closure" but it never worked out. The other party just couldn't give two shits about this. I guess we can't be 100% satisfied with our past.