Lockdown breakdown: week one of solitude

How is everyone holding up? To all social butterflies, are you coping well?
To all home-bodies, hope you are enjoying paradise. 

This marks my 7th day of living *completely* alone. Today, I decided to stop using the word, 'isolation' as personally, it implies that I am all by myself, but I am not. Family and friends are well within reach (virutally) and I have God to talk to as well. What I am right now, is in solitude.

My last visit to Tg Aru back in Feb. An outdoor picture to counter my window view. 

Funny how a year and a half ago I was writing about being in complete isolation and struggling to find peace within myself and now, all I can feel is peace within myself. It's comforting to know that I have grown so much since my last low-mood episode in late 2018.
Now, that is not to say that all is rainbows and sunshine ever since. The fear of going back into that dark spiral is still real and there, but now I have a toolbox of things that can help me fight that fear head on. Okay, enough about my mental health growth.

The reason why I felt compelled to write today is because this Movement Control Order (or MoCO Loco) has brought up a lot of emotions and thoughts I'd like to articulate and put it out there.

In the initial stages of the breakout, I have to admit, I was not afraid of getting it, because I know that my immune system is strong and I have a higher chance of recovering from it. Now, that was a selfish thought. When my boss suggested we started working from home last week, I already started making plans to fly home on the Friday (2 days after the MoCO Loco came into effect). Another selfish thought. 

That same night of booking my flight, I couldn't sleep. The ethical dilemma was keeping me awake, do I travel and risk carrying the virus with me but I still get to be with family OR do I stay put for 14 days and be with myself? I tried to reason myself into accepting the first thought (be with family) because I was not sure how I would cope with 2-weeks alone by myself. I turned to my good friend Immanuel Kant and questioned what my moral duty is as a citizen and that gave me the answer.

The whole point of this MoCO Loco is to restrict movement just for 14 days to curb the spread and 'flatten the curve'. 

It is a short-term inconvenience for a long-term success in stopping the spread of this unfamiliar disease. The last thing we all want right now is losing a family member and not being able to be there with them. However, we humans always struggle to see the long-term and turn up that fight-or-flight programme to irrational panic.

It's human to want to be with our loved ones, it's human to want to catch that first bus/flight home, it's human to hoard food and supplies for our family. Unfortunately, it is these human behaviours that will make things worse. I was about to take part in these behaviours but empathy and moral rationality stopped me. I can still video call people and I have got my cousins to send me daily videos of their children (i.e. the apples of my eyes) to keep me company. I'd choose that over having one of them added to the infected statistic due to my thoughtless travelling. So here I am, on day 7 of 14 (longer?) by myself.

Video-call with the fam. How great
technology is! (Also, I had like half a
bottle of wine)

I know for some, especially those overseas, making this decision is so much harder. I have been talking to friends who have decided to stay put where they are and I know it is a heartbreaking to come to this but these are unprecedented times and they have accepted it. I also know of friends who have still decided to travel home, I know you have thought hard about this and sometimes, it is your family's decision. I fully respect that and appreciate that you all have been taking the necessary precautions.

These are uncertain times and we all must do what we can to stop this from hurting others. Like what most people have been preaching, this MoCO Loco is not about you, it's about the elderly, those with immunity-disorders, those who are fighting on the frontlines - doctors, nurses, police, the uncle/autny opening the grocery stores, those still operating tolls/gas stations, our food/grocery delivery heroes.



Fortunately, crisis mode also brings out the angels of our nature. Caremongering is slowly spreading and helping to reach out to those who really need help. This is when technology and social media helps mobilise social action: people offering help and people seeking help. Soup kitchens still being able to feed the homeless, single parents still able to get groceries delivered to them, elderly and sick still being able to get their medication - all because the community has come together to help one another (taking all necessary precations of course, don't @ me, you pedantic lunatics).

I wanted to end this post on a good note. While the news can be very depressing to read, remember that we can choose to step away from it when it gets too much. There is also a lot of good things to read out there (like this blog? haha) and there are good people fighting this fight. Pray for them, find out how you can support them and most importantly, do your moral duty and stay put.

I'm not going to say that you can use this time to do etc. etc. cause I'm pretty sure you all know about that. I just want us to exercise a little bit of empathy, being able to empathise with other countries who are suffering more than us will automatically guide us to do the right thing. If we can empathise with China and Italy, we will be moved to do what is best for Malaysia to not reach that stage. If we can exercise empathy with our frontline heroes, we will stay put.

Empathy is where we should direct our mental energy, not panic.

Keep safe and stay well. Better times will be ahead of us.

Malaysian Politics: A reflection

*Disclaimer: There will be no attempt to provide a political analysis (I'm not qualified), instead it will be a personal reflection of my experiences from the very edge of the sidelines*

That weekend of 'Langkah Sheraton' I was dancing my heart out to YMCA at my cousin's wedding in the middle of the rainforest in Sabah. Within 24 hours, I went from explaining to my family why I'm no longer with my partner when I caught the bouquet to providing an unqualified analysis of the current political situation.

Being someone who is directly affected by this situation, I wanted to be able to understand current circumstances. My first reaction was 'How inconvenient, now I will have to move.' I half-believed that the situation will blow over and things will eventually go back to normal, PH (and my dad) live to fight another day.

As the days passed and the plot twists never-ending, I became more confused and frustrated. I was trying to comprehend why this all happened in the first place: Where did all this betrayal start and why? Reading the media, I felt there was a lot of impatience, bruised egos and lack of trust. Let's be frank here, every one involved made their own move on this political multi-way chessboard, calling 'checkmate' at each other, and the only victims are the pawns - the rakyat.

The media played a big part in fuelling more confusion, uncertainty and division. In hindsight, in the first few days of the 'crisis', the news articles were misguiding and misinforming its readers, intentional or otherwise. It also did not help much that most Malaysians get excited at sharing any click-bait worthy articles, WhatsApp messages without questioning its sources. For those politically literate, it is easy to detect fake news, however the majority of us are still in the dark on the real situation and therefore, we gravitate towards information that speaks to our version of what we want the narrative to be instead of what it really is.

Opinion pieces are taken as the objective truth and not questioned, statements from leaders are taken out of context, and sadly, there are certain people who have taken this opportunity to create more political division.  Mentally, it was too much for me to digest. I wished there was a Malaysian version of The Last Leg to help articulate this saga into normal people language. I felt dejected, hopeless and sad. Democracy is dead. The Bersih fight that brought millions of Malaysians around the world to bring about social change was gone to waste. The politicians we elected to execute the People's Mandate are now climbing over each other to achieve a majority. It's every MP for his/her own.

I know many of us feel this way. 'The politicians will always have their way, we can never see change.' 'What's the point of voting anymore? They don't even care about us.' And they're right to an extent. But in the past 18-months, we have seen credible MPs and Ministers who are fighting the people's fight, it was a breath of fresh air. Plastic waste got sent back to where it came from, the Covid-19 outbreak was well handled, MACC finally was able to do its job properly. What this tells us is that, there is hope.

At 2019's Merdeka Parade @ Putrajaya. When Malaysia Baru was still hopeful. 

Truth is, there has always been hope for change. However, we have been too focused on what makes us different from each other to what similarities we share. Social psychologists have argued that when people come together under a shared identity, social change can be achieved (i.e. works around Social Identity Theory). We need to stop letting race and religion divide us. In school I was taught that the beauty of Malaysia is that everyone can live in harmony and work together in the #MalaysiaBoleh spirit. So, why do I struggle to see it now, especially among our leaders?

I hope the dust settles soon and the people of Malaysia find a way to make our voices heard, again.