It's September. I'm in my third year of university, also, my placement year. Almost a year ago, I was excited about the 'door that opened'. Little did I know that beyond that door was a journey of self-discovering I didn't sign up for ...
So I've moved into Bristol, the best city to live in the UK according to the Sunday Times (read here). Naturally, I was excited. I'm already an undergraduate in the UK's best psychology department and now I'm doing my placement in the best city in the UK. Icing on the cake! However, turns out that buttercream icing was a little overwhelming.
To cut to the chase, I know am out of my comfort zone. This may be the 3rd place I've moved to since I came to the UK but it is the first proper city. Cambridge and Bath felt just like home as it was compact with everything in one place (or within walkable distance). Some of you might think growing up in Kota Kinabalu that I'd be used to the hustle and bustle of Bristol but I didn't live in the middle of the KK. I grew up in the suburbs and spent most weekends at my grandparents' place, far away from urbanization. Bristol is different. I'm staying right in the heart of city center and everything just feels big. Just outside my window, construction is going on from the early hours of the morning till late night, being surrounded by pubs and restaurants, there is always life.
It is the proper culture shock, just 3.5years late. For the first time since 2014, I feel uncomfortable. Being in this lively city, is something I am not used to. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it. I just feel very lost. In Malay, they say: macam rusa masuk kampung, meaning feeling in awe of the surrounding; it is the exact description of my current state.
Somewhat foolishly, I decided that I myself could manage being a full-time research assistant, a part time waitress and still trying to settle in this wonderful city. It is no wonder I am so overwhelmed. Sometimes I ask myself: Am I doing too much? Can I handle it?
Part of me wants to scrape that part-time job and focus on placement but part of me wants to see how far I can take this. How much of myself am I willing to sacrifice? I know that, in time, only I myself can give the satisfactory answer.
Placement itself is going great. I'm part of a research project that is not only interesting but I get to be very involved in it. Sure, the commute is an average 45mins journey but a good tip I've learned: podcasts. They are so informative and interesting, like a mini audio book (without paying the price of one). I wonder why I've waited so long to listen to them. My current favourite: Myths & Legends (Spotify link). It is better if you have data to spare or have a premium account.
It is just the whole idea of being in a city that, relative to where I'm staying, doesn't sleep. I guess I'm just used the laid back, quiet atmosphere, cause I'm an old lady trapped in a 21 year old body. Being in the middle of the noise, made me feel small and vulnerable compared to when I was in Bath or Cambridge. In these two towns, despite it being foreign, it felt familiar. Bristol is just unfamiliar...and big.
Hopefully when chapter 2 comes along, I'd have found my way of being a "city girl" (smirks in background) or at least, have stopped feeling like a deer and more like a cat, cause they seem to always be comfortable in any corner.
Note: The friends I have here have been amazingly accommodating in welcoming me to Bristol. I'm truly grateful for that. If you're reading this guys, thank you for helping me not feel too lost here.
Till next time,
Liza x