For the 22nd time

The inevitable soundtrack of any 22 year old, T-Swift's "22", plays at the back of my head like the background music of my life. 

 

Yes, I do feel 22 and I'm happy to turn a year older. Like the renewed sense of motivation that befalls us every new year's eve, that's how I feel every birthday.

"This year, would be the year I finally (insert goal)" -me, every 22nd of January. 

As I've acquired the ability to self-reflect (circa 2012), the days leading up to my b-day has always been filled with reflections and anticipations. "What am I grateful for? Who am I grateful for?" are the main questions that float in my head as I plan out an entire appreciation post for my social media pages, because that's how we celebrate birthdays nowadays.

This year's self-reflection was a tough one as I had to revisit a lot of closed doors that held the horrors of my 21st year on Earth. Then, it led me to what was the most eye-opening last few months in 2017 that set the course for how I want to spend my 22nd year and hopefully the next few years as well.

So here it is, my appreciation post (sans photos because I have lost all energy to compile them):

Firstly, I would like to thank God for not giving up on me and always sending me the most unexpected people into my life. To all at ACTS Bristol and St. Mary's Young Adult Prayer Group, thanks for allowing this lost soul to find her way back to God. Here's to an exciting spiritual journey.

My parents, pa and mummy, thanks for sending me money in desperate times and also for answering my calls when I am feeling homesick and need to see you all. I know I was a challenge to raise and thank you for giving me the opportunities to pursue my passion. Without your never-ending support (despite the hopes of me being a lawyer, still not happening Pa), I will never be where I am right now, doing amazing research.

To my best friend, Heidi, thank you for being honest and supportive when I needed you. Despite us hardly meeting up, I know you are always there to give me the real advice (and also to 'sigh' about our life). We'll get there someday!

My Fitbit & beaut fam, thanks for carrying me through the first half of last year and just being the friends I needed. Thanks for constantly being fit so I am compelled to exercise. Also, the Bath Half! Can't wait to catch up with you all next week in Prague!! We are going to hit the 10k mark every day.

Summer/Winter/Spring Leftover group! Thank you thank you thank you for inviting me into your homes and filling my stomach up with delicious cooking (really can't say that enough). Also, for all the banter and interesting conversations. You all made Bristol more like home for me, for that, I will always be grateful.

To Nab, my flatmate. Thanks for dealing with my rants and mishaps of my dating life, which is (thankfully) on hiatus at the moment. To more late night talk, drinks and Netflix sharing (with Daryl haha). Glad we moved in together.

UWE Bar students, you guys. Thanks for the great night outs and for allowing this 'staff member' to join you all for lunch at the Atrium and constantly remind myself that I am lucky to have not gone down the Lawyer path.

To everyone else, you guys played a part in shaping who I am today. Your presence are like the colourful dots on my canvas, making the bigger picture even more alive. So thank you, I apologise for not being able to name you one by one, that will take too long as there are so many of you!

Here's to being a better version of myself. Liza v22.0, let's go.

Here's a very cute photo of me (no shame) in honour of my special day. Enjoy. 

 

The potential dangers of self-care

(There is a reason why this photo is like this, keep reading!)

Happy 2018 everyone! I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday and if you didn't, you can be relieved that it's over! 

I hope the excitement of the new year hasn't rubbed off yet and that you're working hard to stick to whatever resolutions/goals/dreams you've (secretly) promised to do. Mine is to read further and beyond the academics. My current choice is Jostein Gaarder's Sophie's World, had the book since I was 16 and I think I've finally reached an age suitable to comprehend the simplified summary of philosophy. So far, I'm enjoying it. Let's all work hard towards our goals! 

Aside from the fact that Trump is still president and still tweeting ridiculous things, that Brexit may/may not happen and that Dr. Mahathir running for PM again, I hope your 2018 had a good start. I had a rocky start myself, spending NYE with viral tonsilitis and then getting gum disease and oral inflammation shortly afterwards. Also, I got hit by a Deliveroo guy on a bike - my fault completely. Everyone was okay, including the food, so no worries. The reason why I'm telling you this is that the average reaction I received after sharing my eventful 1st week of 2018 was along the lines of  'Oh, poor you! Please take care!' which prompted me to reason with myself that I should indulge in what is now commonly known as 'self-care'. 

Unsure whether it was the power of the new year or my new found inability to binge watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for the 5th time, I felt like I was taking this self-care treatment too far that it started to lose it's original purpose for me. While self-care is important for our well being, it started to become an excuse for me to not be productive for a long period of time. Again, it was the perfect justification for me to either lock myself up in my room for the whole weekend or spend lavishly on things I don't need so that I can 'feel better'. Instead of feeling like I'm giving my body the love and rest it needs, I was using the term as a forefront to engage in selfish and meaningless activities. I wasn't feeding my soul, I was doing superficial things.

Granted, watching a few episodes of a sitcom can cheer one up but man, don't know about you but I feel so sluggish after every binge, like I've wasted precious hours. With retail therapy, I guess it just never works for me. I end up buying things I don't need and curse myself every summer when I have to pack and move houses (dreading it). I guess it's not that self-care is bad, it's just how I was doing it. Hence, the photo above where the word 'Self-Care' is not aligned with the shadow, because I probably wasn't doing it that really works for me. 

Then, I came across this Buzzfeed list: 21 ways to be a little more ok in 2018.  It did mention a few things that I was already doing, but a few other more. For example, read more books (see first paragraph) and a few other activities I would like to try. I'd suggest reading the list as well, it might inspire you. 

In essence, if whatever you term as 'self-care' is not helping you to recharge and be a better person at work, with friends or society in general, then probably your routine needs a little tweak and that's okay. I got to know myself a little bit more from this and now I'm taking a different approach. We'll see how my new 'feel better 2018' routine does in a few weeks. 

I hope you all will be taking care of yourself (appropriately) this 2018! We need to start spreading some positive juju around, and what better way to do it than to spread it within yourself first! 

Till next time, 

LM x