Frustrations

You would never know when somebody finally pulled the final straw until you start to go hysterical over little things. Sometimes it's all the build up from one small incident that led to your mental breakdown.

I'm on the verge of having one now.

You know how they like to say,
"Even though she smiles all the time, doesn't mean that she's not hurting on the inside" something like that.
I prefer to release all my frustrations than to hide them, so afterwards, I could really genuinely smile.

Everything is going wrong. Everything. What I expected, didn't happen. Things I should be doing at this moment is left at the side so that I could do something else that is totally irrelevant. I can't seem to focus for the shortest while, I get mad at myself, I'm starting to be insecure about myself, about everything in life generally.
I just don't get why I'm not like the others. They get to experiment with make up while I console myself with the fact that I don't need make up to make myself feel better, but deep down, I really want to try it on.
Fact is, I'm no good with all this beauty maintenance, I'm just not good at it.
All my attempts of trying to start early just ended with me feeling bad about myself.
I have no patience with myself, all of a sudden, I'm a failure.

You know, I'm not blind, I may have to wear glasses, but I'm certainly not blind. I can see that your eyes always wonder to the spots where all the extra facial hair or the acne are. I don't blame you, I blame myself.

Muffins, this post suddenly sounds like a hatred letter to myself. I better stop before I dig to deep.

p/s I just needed a place to express. Pages on my journal ran out. :/