The door that opened.

This gif is the perfect representation of me the past week:

First of all, I'd like to say massive thanks to all of you for the support, advice, hugs and love the past few weeks. I wasn't expecting all of this and I am so grateful for everyone. Also, thank you to those who've shared their stories of rejection with me, I am so honoured that you've shared this struggle with me, as I know it is not easy to admit it. We are all in this together guys!<3 p="">
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 Anyways, I guess I should inform everyone that after that brutal rejection, I have been offered another placement in Bristol! Yes guys, I did it. I powered through that hard time and re-applied. Not to dismiss the previous one, but this one in Bristol is so much more in line with what I want to really get into.

It took me a few days for it to really sink in (hence, gif), it is like that for most things after a storm right?
I guess that from this experience, it goes to show that there is no point beating yourself up too hard over a rejection and sometimes you just have to suck it up, get over it and move on. It is very harsh and it will get harsher, it is just getting familiar with the headstrong mindset and powering through any crisis.

I don't think I'll ever thank everyone enough for giving me a reality check and support for moving forwards. Special thanks to Heidi for listening to me sob over the phone/skype and my supermum for just being blunt but loving at the same time.

To the other guys who are still looking for placements, don't forget you are awesome regardless and don't ever think otherwise.

Bristol, see you next year. Let the house hunting begin.

Last glimpse

People always say that you'll move on and that things will become better. Someone even told me that in 3 months' time I would look back and see how ridiculous everything was.

Truth is, it was never ridiculous. Blinded as I may seem, I was truly deeply in love with him. His flaws and his smile, regardless, compelled me into this abyss of feelings that I never thought I was able to experience at such a young age. It was so scary but at the same time, I enjoyed the terror.

I remember riding in the car after school and passing by the old spot to see if he would be standing there. Most of the time he was, and that made my day so much better. There were a few times when I pretended not to see him but immediately regretted it. It felt like a last glimpse of him before I leave the only place I can spend time with him was so crucial in setting my mood when I get home.

Everything he did, I took it to heart. Never have I imagined myself turning into a relationship monster. In retrospect, I was a terrible person. I have set up such high expectations that I blinded myself from what was right in front of me. That moment I knew, there was no going back. The damage has been done and I have no one to blame but me.

Unfortunately, this is life. Things between us will never be the same as before. I just have to accept it and move on. Easier said than done. It took me almost 5 months to finally get my head and heart in line. Of course, its a warm feeling whenever memories from those 12 months flashes back but at the same time, I know there is so much more in store for me. If only I break past my bubble.

We both changed. Last year, it might be the case where we can get through everything together but I guess even our promises have an expiry date. There will never be another you but someone else can also catch my heart.

No matter how much my mind wants to see you for the last time, just like the high school days, but I have to get used to the fact that I don't need you to feel better.

It's time for me to stop counting on the past when the only moments worth hoping for, is the present.