First of all, thank you to all who sent me encouraging messages and shared their stories with me since I last posted. It was truly heartwarming to see other people be so willing to share their feelings (with me), which made me realise that we don't have conversations like these as often as we should. I don't think that feeling down/not okay should be a taboo conversation, when you are talking to someone you trust and who cares for you. The bad helps us appreciate the good in things, right?
On that note, the recovery process so far has been bumpy, but I know I am progressing. Sometimes I still feel part of me is still quite exhausted from being emotionally shredded but the pain is decreasing (or am I getting numb to it?) Not going to lie, there were days when I find it extremely hard to leave my bed in the morning and start the day. Not sure if it is the sadness or just the sudden drop in temperature (darn you, Arctic Wind), or a little mix of both. Thankfully, I love my placement enough to wake up at 7:45am on most days. Just burying myself in research upon research and seeing where I can piece things together is altogether exhilarating and scary. I'm scared that I'll invest 200% and be a total geek about it: just wanting to tell everybody what I know. Not sure if that is a good thing in a social setting but it keeps my mind busy and life exciting.
(whenever people ask me about my research.. is this how academics feel like?!)
Also, the clock went back an hour recently and we have less sunlight *sarcastic cheer*. One thing I've learned from behavioural psychology is that humans have patterns, our actions/emotions always follow the same sequence (reference needed, don't quote me on this). For example, since I've moved to the UK, when the day gets shorter and colder, I think I get Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD, more info here). Quick note: I'm not medically diagnosed with SAD, I saw the list of symptoms and it made sense. Anyways, this would result in me, sobbing uncontrollably on the phone with my mum, crying over the most trivial things. "Why you telling us about this?" you may ask. Frankly, I don't really have a clear reason, maybe I just want to bring to light that this condition is real or probably when I am hard to be around, I hope you'll understand. Hopefully though, it would make you realise we all have to deal with mental health issues at some point in our lives and that we should all try our best to support each other. TALK, people TALK. Here's me advocating mental health awareness because I don't see why it is such a 'hush-hush' thing that people feel uncomfortable talking about. I mean, talking is one way of making your way towards the road of recovery. I mean you scream when you are in physical pain right? So why can't we talk when we are suffering mentally?
Yay, controversial conversations. Let's grab a coffee and chat/debate/argue.
Something that helps me get through SAD is loving Christmas. For whatever reasons, religious or not, it is the most wonderful time of the year. Why? Because despite the lack of sunlight, Christmas lights bring just as much joy (at least, to me). So when I start jamming some Bublé or wearing Christmas jumpers around, just roll your eyes and tell yourself that it is a defense mechanism against falling into the deep pit of darkness. Inner reflections!
That's all I have to say at the moment regarding the emotional crisis of September 2017. Again, thank you to all who came to talk to me, sending lots of love.
Can't wait for the Christmas lights to be up!
Liza x
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