21 and (learning to be) responsible

2017 has been.. eventful.

Turning 21 sort of catapulted myself into a series of self-reflections and re-prioritisation. I spent a lot of time thinking about the goals that I want to set for myself. Other than completing the Bath Half in 2hours and 30minutes, I wanted something else that I could constantly hold myself accountable.

I realised that I was being too hard on myself. Granted, there were days when I allowed the occasional ice cream treat and skipping that scheduled run but afterwards, I gave myself a hard time for having a relaxed time. It is toxic and on most occasion counter-productive as I'll then stress too much about having a hard time and end up not doing anything. The cycle continues.

I have been trying to not be so hard on myself and my failure to do certain things. Thanks to Son-Rise, I have the most supportive group in this area. So incredibly grateful for them. Like the BathHalf, it is a challenge that I'm taking it day by day.

Other than this personal struggle, I am strapped for cash. Too strapped. I had to temporarily stop my part-time work to focus on my degree because I know, from experience that juggling too much will be the death of me. This time, I was scared I might've pushed myself over the edge if I continued to deny the fact that I can't do everything at once.
With a tight budget comes the trouble that is cancelling already made plans and disappointing people. It is hard and heartbreaking to be the one to cancel a weekend of fun but it wasn't worth me sacrificing one month's grocery money on. Truly living the ultimate student budget life and this time I'm not just saying it. If only I could juggle work and study during a hectic deadline schedule, I would. Unfortunately, I wasn't born with expert time managing skills so tough calls had to be made.

Don't feel sorry for me though. It is not my intention to elicit empathy from you, the reader. It is instead a self-reminder that this is a tough lesson that I have to embrace and learn from it.

Speaking of study, another realisation that dawned upon me is that I absolutely suck at academic writing. I thought I was getting better after the feedback in first year but I just come to realise that I just simply can't 'critically discuss' anything. It scares me because that is the whole core of my degree, is to be able to 'critically discuss' and have a coherent argument. Trust me, it is not like I have given up trying, I TRY to sound succinct and critical in my writing but in the feedback I always seem to 'lack coherent arguments'. UGH. As much as I love blogging and reading, academic writing is just not for me.

Having said that, I will have to power through my degree and the rest of my academic life if I ever were to be able to open my own practice. I can't go on getting 2:2s for my reports now can I? That's a C in school-terms and the Asian in me, as much as I hate the stereotype, just cannot have it.

Well, finally got that off my chest. I can finally focus on my 4 essays now. *JOY*

So goals for the year:
1. Not set hair on fire
2. Get financially stable (student standards)
3. Self-discipline
4. Be OK
5. Book sessions with the writing centre and be decent in academic writing.

Wish me luck.

Restart: A different journey.

"This year, I want to achieve great things and prove people wrong." 

That was me on New Year's Day 2015 and 2016. Year after every year, I seem to have not achieve anything significant.

Yes, I got into an amazing university and went on a once in a lifetime volunteering programme last summer (read it here). However, there were days where I felt that I could be doing something worth being enthusiastic about. There were great memories, but all it was were just temporary excitement and by the time these moments became memories, the excitement just faded. Then, I found myself living a life limited by the routines I set myself and the bubble I created.

 

2015 Summer volunteering at a plantation school in Lahad Datu

 

 Me in my university freshers' dorm, looking all happy and excited about uni. (Sept 2016) 

Few days ago, the bubble that I so comfortably live up until that moment, became the bane of my existence. Within this bubble, I have become complacent with what I have and just settled. I was complacent with my body, albeit it being seriously unfit and flabby; I was complacent with my current lifestyle and goals, i.e. doing whatever was easiest and most convenient. I wasn't motivated to do anything, my life just lacked that enthusiasm to do something worth that adrenaline pump that I was used to having when I was still competitively fencing.

I was watching Christine Chan's goodbye video and she mentioned that daydreaming is a sign that your body still has a wish to do something different  (p.s. the vid is full of amazing advice!). This longing for excitement was all a daydream until I was woken up.

The woke up call came from an impromptu enrollment to a 3-week health plan with my mentor, Amy. Like any other health plan, you have food diaries, workout plans and a change in lifestyle. However, the one (good) difference is that  there is a community doing this alongside you. The Facebook group is a constant update of seeing other people making that first step to changing their lifestyle and somehow, the competitive spirit inside me woke up. I wanted to show people that I could do it as well.

That's when my enthusiasm started pumping excitement back into my life. I can look forward to a new day of getting my lazy bum off the couch for the day, constantly challenging myself to NOT eat that piece of fried chicken.

I realised that the only thing getting me really excited was changing my body, for the better.

*warning it is going to get real* 

To be honest, I'm quite tired of being called fat or chubby. I've been called that for as long as I remember and I know people talk about my size behind my back (its okay, human tendency). I was busy controlling my acne problem and my weight had to take second priority. I was never the fit one or the better looking one among my friends or family. I am OK with not being a beauty queen, but all I want is for people to stop calling me fat. Anti-body shaming might be campaigning for beauty in all sizes, but lets be real, people still call other people fat. You might tell me that it doesn't matter what other people think, but be in my shoes for 20 years and it might change your mind.

Also, truthfully, I hate feeling unfit and looking at myself in the mirror and not feel happy. I hate feeling too self-conscious about every piece of clothing I wear. That feeling when I can no longer fit into clothes that I used to be able to eats me up inside. I hate always having to brush off body-shaming comments like it didn't hurt. I need to stop being complacent about my body.

 

Me in a much better shape back in 2012/3. Now, I can't even fit into those jeans! :(  

This journey is essentially for my own well-being at the same time silencing those body-shaming friends for once.

I hope you can join me in this journey and give me your love, support and criticism.

So yeah, Happy May everybody! It's currently 1:05AM on this part of the world and I'm still awake. 

It's not that I'm staying up late on a school night is my way of rebelling, rather the opposite, for the past 3 hours, I have been completing this written assignment that needs to be passed up by 7:20AM later today. And no, it wasn't a last minute thing, she gave us the paper just only yesterday. So basically, I'm not the only one burning the midnight oil. 

Well, I haven't been blogging lately and for those who are curious (or who actually care) I just haven't been able to find a time to sit down and collect my thoughts. These few months had been hectic! Breakdowns were inevitable. Anyways, it's going to be over soon and maybe you'll see me post interesting photos of me here more often. 

Oh, I just yawned. Probably is time to call it a day. Do take the time to enjoy my piece of "artwork" that I've spent 30mins cropping and "editing". 

Thanks for everything everybody :) 

Ending 2012

*was supposed to post this up before the New Year but since it's 2013 already, I decided to start from scratch*

So 2012 ended pretty quick for me, probably because I had so many things to look forward to.
I'll start off with my 2 weeks in St. Catz for the ORA Summer programme which is still the highlight of my life. It was such an amazing experience and it was worth failing Bio for.
Met so many amazing people over there in St. Catz, some which I know will be great in the future :)

Then two weeks after coming back from UK, I was back in training for the National Cadet and Junior Championship, which was a huge shock for me cause I expected to get a medal for the U-17 category but instead got a bronze for the U-21. Trust me, even my coach didn't see that coming.

Oh right in the middle of it all, Tom Daley won an Olympic Bronze ;) 

But before that, my beloved grandaunt passed away, which brought a dark cloud over my mum's side of the family for quite a while. She was like my second grandmother, always there with her warm smile and her delicious sago pancake. I miss her so much.

For the rest of the year, it was mostly schoolwork and exams. It was my first year as a senior and I was lucky to have survived that. I was so blessed to be in an amazing class for 2012 (SENIOR ONE XIAO!) and I couldn't have asked for a more better class. It sure is sad that we are all separated this year. :(

Oh right, 2012 was also the year of standing in the crowds, screaming and singing along to artists :D So I managed to catch Anthony Neely, Pixie Lott (Thanks so much Heidi!) and also join in the fun at the HitzKK Birthday Invasion (Thanks so much Laura!) and also, I was lucky enough to be invited by my lovely sister to meet Sungha Jung just a few weeks back :)

During the long year-end break, I went to work for 3 weeks, ended up getting paid half than expected, which was a bit unfair considering I did everything my boss asked me to. Oh well, this is the injustice of the underpaid and overworked.

Then it was Caroling season! I had tons of fun caroling with Jude's Hobbits and the CLOW ministry and it totally build up the spirit towards Christmas.

A week before the big day, I flew to Paris for a few nights stay (DISNEYLAND!) and then went back to Oxford where I spent Christmas with my family and London where I finally went to Tower Bridge.
Reached home just in time for the NYE's countdown at grandma's and for the first time in a long time, spent the New Year's with my eccentric family.

All in all, 2012 wasn't as bad as I thought it will be.

Well, 2013, I'd be happy if it was half as good as last year.

Alast! She speaks!

During my 40 days of absence, I have gone through so much emotions.
In a blink of an eye, I have lost my beloved grandaunt, won my first national medal and learned not to simply let myself plunge into an emotional roller coaster with somebody that I hardly know.

Recently, I've also learned that behind every good deed, is a motive to destroy.

Let's just say that I've grown up. Well a bit. Experienced a taste of what the real world is like and I'm slowly preparing myself to face it while I still have time.

~

 

So yeah, I was welcomed at my dashboard just now by a comment that well, motivated me to blog about something today :)

To whoever you are out there, THANK YOU so much for letting me know that there is at least one person who is interested to know more :)

So, day 24, is up on it's way.

-LM xox

The Art Of Rebellion

Well, finally some time to release my thoughts. Been really busy for the past weeks, with inter-class football and Uncle Paul's wedding during the weekend, hadn't had the time really to sit down and blog... until now.

Every teenager has the urge to rebel against the "norms" that society and our parents set. We tend to do things that might annoy and enrage anyone. Truth is, all we want is to be heard, right?
We want to let the world know what we really think. We just need them to listen.

I'm just tired of nodding and reluctantly agreeing to their statements and having to abide to whatever they say without having the chance to express what I really feel. They say we lack experience, that we should respect the elders and listen to them. Isn't respect and listening a two-way thing?

 I have no idea where I'm going with this post. I just thought of the phrase "The Art Of Rebellion", but I couldn't find the right points to elaborate. I'll try to work it out. Maybe.  Inspired mainly by the movie I just finished watching, "Radio Rebel". It was a really nice movie. Always have been a fan of Debby Ryan ever since The Suite Life and the guy in the movie, Gavin, is really good-looking.

My mind can't stop thinking about my Trigo Functions homework and my piano exam this week. I should really do something about it, but the sloth in me just wants to take her time with life.

Sometimes, the sloth in us is right. Slow down and take a deep breath.

Have a wonderful week ahead guys. Enjoy Euro and try not to bet too much. :)

Viva La Espana!

Absence

I have to apologise to my blog and fellow readers (if you are out there) for my long absence from my virtual journal. Several activities have taken away my internet time and since my CPU has been in service ever since mid-March, I haven't had the chance to blog. Until now.

A lot of things have happened in the past few months, like finally being able to see my new room, joining the Model United Nations, mid-term, Manchester United on top of the BPL table, Manchester United's lost to Wigan, and other things which would be inappropriate to post onto the world wide web.

So yeah, I'll try to update more often.

This was just a statement-like post to proove I'm still alive on Blogger, I was just taking a break. :)

See you on the flipside.
LizaMarie xo

Inertia

Newton's first law indicates the unwillingness to change it's state of motion or rest.

Or in other words, the tendency to be lazy.

That was me. I notice my blog is inactive and recently, I couldn't find the strength to type out a post, plus the fact that my desktop was in service for the past week just gave me another reason to not blog. Since it's all fixed, I think I should stop lazing around.

Cross Country, Sports Meet and Valentine's Day have all passed and so many other things happened in between.
A big birthday shoutout to my darling Presscilla who turned 16 today!!

To sum up Sports Meet, it was great! My bazaar stall went well, our dancing was actually good and I am always surrounded by awesome people of Tshung Tsin. Even though we got last 5th, I am okay with that, because we rock!

Valentine's Day was fun, although the only gift I got was Laura's Ferrero Rocher, but I loved giving out candies and jelly beans to everyone! I do wished I saved some for him though, hmmph.

Anyways, House Party is this Saturday, the theme is OGBRY, stands for OrangeGreenBlueRedYellow, five houses for 2012. Means I can't wear my glitter top, I have to go in yellowmellow. Oh well, time to improvise!

I guess that's all that's left to update. For now. I have to get ready for my sejarah test that I've never bothered to prepare for, even with the 2 weeks notice. Time to burn the midnight oil!
Caution: Do not attempt this at home, especially the day before your exams! 

Life, so recently

As everybody on the world knows, it was 11.11.11 yesterday.
To some, it's a day to make epic wishes and celebrate this historical day.
To others, it was just a normal day.

To fellow schoolmates, it was also the last day of school before the holidays start taking over, but to a few, it was a reminder that their biggest challenge is on the way--SPM. Really, we have to give them the props, it's hard to have exams when the rest of the world is celebrating the end of the year.

So yeah, had a lot of things going on for the last week of school. Football matches, training, reunion, GDOs, chasing Purple Myvi and Gala Dinner. Lost a lot of sleep thanks to them, gonna take back my beauty sleep when my hibernation starts! Don't know when. 

Here are some photos!

 Junior 2 Ping 2010 Reunion

(we were trying to keep a straight face, I guess it didn't work out for some of them) 

Sorry for the blurry photo, used my old camera.

Me and my crazy sister at my cousin's wedding. 

(Like my earrings? I do!) 

Chased down the Hitz Cruisers for the Greyson Chance's showcase. 

It was indeed an adventure. 

11.11.11

(Chinese Cultural Festival)

 Yu Tian Long, 余畑龙

famous Hakka singer, know the song " 不要去英国" ?

Saw him LIVE. 

Gary Cao Ge, 曹格, he is a Sabah-born international Superstar.

He is from my hometown, Kota Belud too!

 

Yeah that was pretty much the events that happened recently. Wanted to do an individual post for each, but that would have to wait. I hope this would keep you entertained for the moment. I hope. 

Well then, I'm off to have dinner with my family.

ALL THE BEST to all who are sitting for their SPM this year. You guys can do it! :)

Please don't wake me up when September ends

It's the ninth month of the year and I can tell you, I am not looking forward to the tenth. Two major exams in October, with only two weeks in between them, and when the clock strikes 12 on the Hallowe'en night, I will jump for joy. Not that I hate every October, but it's what going on then that's very upsetting to the mind. Finals are always in this month and every year, I wish for only this month to pass by ASAP.

Anyways, let's focus on today's topic: September.
2nd half of the 2nd term will start next Monday (5th) and boy, would it be hectic.
Supposed to be getting ready for PMR and UEC by now and I haven't even started. *the feeling of regret starts*
With Pottermore constantly on my mind, it would be twice as hard to resist the temptations of the Internet.
Thankfully, God heard my pleas and made the Internet slower! but there's always WiFi.... NO.

My mom said I need to discipline myself if I was ever going to get good results. Yeah, like that would be hard. Pfft. *awkward silence*

Okay then, my famous last words before I go completely A-wall from the Internet again.

"Don't go making mistakes if you don't have the guts to admit them" 

Till then.

Good things come in August.

Most of the time.

I have a feeling that time just passed me by in a swift, and I believe it will happen again. AFTER my double major exams! 

But now, we are welcoming August 2011 in our open arms. 

Honestly, no matter how much extra time I wish I had to prep for the exams, I am actually looking forward for this month's events. 

Natalie's homecoming,the reunion, my Pottermore Welcoming letter, the MICSSS Ball Competition and HARI RAYA PUASA!! And the least interesting event, PMR Mock *boooooo!* 

I am actually feeling great about this month. Maybe because going back to lifeteen has made me see the brighter side of life. Maybe, I can start being an optimist again. :)

By the looks of it, August feels awesome. We can only wait and see. 

One more week!

Oh golly, what a week has it been. Trained 6 days in a row, and I just can't get enough.
One more week till the competition and to be frank, I am scared. I'm scared of failing. I just don't want to come home and feel like I've achieved nothing, I want to reach home with my head held high and hopefully, with a medal around my neck. Fingers crossed!

Finals has already started today, and will continue for the rest of next week. That means I have exams and fencing to focus on, at the same time. I think I'm handling it quite well. I hope.
Having the exams in the hall is quite frightening. One bad move and the whole Junior 3 will be there to witness it. Gulp.

Well, that's all I can say for now.
Will be missing the Idol Finale, and the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides screenings in the cinema.

Oh, the sacrifices one must make to fulfill one's dreams. 

Be back soon!
Pray for me. :)