Why can't you see it?

I have just had the pleasure of seeing love coming out from the eyes of a very interesting person. It wasn't in an appropriate situation as the topic of our conversation was actually something totally the opposite. However, for that fraction of time when we happened to stumble upon the unexplainable emotion that every teenager, in fact every human soul, crave to feel, I saw it.

I saw pure love. 

You know how in romantic, sappy movie scenes where you just know that is when the guy falls in love with the girl by just looking at her with such deep affection that every girl would go "Why doesn't any guy look at me like that?!". Well, I saw it today, as he was telling me about her, the way he smiles when he recalls the first day they got together, the things that she does that makes it all (the bad times) worth it. It made me believe that boys are capable of love. They really do. It just has to be with the right girl. Based on that few hours, when a guy finds the right girl, trust me, if he is smart enough, he will hold on to her and never let go. 

It sucks knowing that all the effort that you put in is not reciprocated in the way you expected. Honestly, it is to some extent impossible to return every single favour, but as human beings, we should have the decency to try our best to give back as much as we have received. I mean that is the least we can do. If I were to receive a simple "Thank You" card from someone I have helped, or in modern days a tweet or an instagram dedication, it would be enough for me. 

There is really no reason to not to give back in a way. 

In this modern world of deceit, ambiguity, insecurity, and betrayal, to be able to be loved and to love for who YOU are is one of the greatest things that can happen to us. Yet, some people don't cherish it as much as they should. I didn't. I threw away my source of happiness because I was insecure when all the security and assurance I had was right in front of me and I was too caught up with perfection to notice it. I just don't want anyone to repeat the same mistakes as I did. Don't throw away your happiness, even though it is tough shit at the moment, think about it, you know no matter what, seeing him especially smile for you will make it all worth it. 

Seeing that glow from that someone today made me realise that actions might speak louder than words, but words with promises are the ones that require actions. 

Being with another.

For the past few years, I've always wanted to know how it actually feels like to be in love, or at least, to be in a relationship. This curiosity probably came from reading chic novels and watching romantic movies and also seeing my friends get themselves into a relationship.
Social network played their part too, with Instagram and Twitter constantly filled with "monthsary" posts or tweets about hanging out with "le boyfie", I just kind of wanted to feel how is it like to be in love with someone, and for that someone to love me back.

I was blessed enough to find someone great last year. Words can never describe how grateful I was for him. For once, my life was smooth sailing.

That was what I thought.

After a few months of being in an amazing relationship, thinking everything is perfect and will always be, that's when the road became bumpy. I told myself things can never go smoothly forever and that I would have to go through the bumps. Trust me, there were times when I really felt like throwing in the towel and call it quits, but then I realised that I would only be running away from something amazing. Something that is worth staying for.

So I kept fighting for it.

To be really honest, I do not know what I am doing. I'm not sure if I should do it, or to not do it. Will he like it or will he just brush it away? I am at a complete lost.

I had to keep reminding myself that there is no "guidelines" or "instructions" for these kind of things and I have to just go with what my heart (and my mind) tells me to. I just want to impress him so badly, I want him to be proud of me.

Being in a relationship has proven to be one of the most challenging things for me. My emotions are all over the place, one second I want to hit him in the face, another second I want to hug him tightly. Don't get me wrong, he is one of the greatest guys I have ever known and a fun guy to be around with. But then, not everyone is perfect. As it has been said countless of times. "Don't find the perfect man, find the man, perfect for you."

It is still too soon to find Mr. Right anyways, but then, maybe I have already met him. Who knows? I'm only 17.
But currently, I do enjoy being in a relationship with him, even if it means messing up my emotions. :)

To those of you who are still in a relationship, I wish you all the blessings and happiness. And to those who are still searching, don't fret, the best one comes unexpectedly.

Till next time. xx