For the 22nd time

The inevitable soundtrack of any 22 year old, T-Swift's "22", plays at the back of my head like the background music of my life. 

 

Yes, I do feel 22 and I'm happy to turn a year older. Like the renewed sense of motivation that befalls us every new year's eve, that's how I feel every birthday.

"This year, would be the year I finally (insert goal)" -me, every 22nd of January. 

As I've acquired the ability to self-reflect (circa 2012), the days leading up to my b-day has always been filled with reflections and anticipations. "What am I grateful for? Who am I grateful for?" are the main questions that float in my head as I plan out an entire appreciation post for my social media pages, because that's how we celebrate birthdays nowadays.

This year's self-reflection was a tough one as I had to revisit a lot of closed doors that held the horrors of my 21st year on Earth. Then, it led me to what was the most eye-opening last few months in 2017 that set the course for how I want to spend my 22nd year and hopefully the next few years as well.

So here it is, my appreciation post (sans photos because I have lost all energy to compile them):

Firstly, I would like to thank God for not giving up on me and always sending me the most unexpected people into my life. To all at ACTS Bristol and St. Mary's Young Adult Prayer Group, thanks for allowing this lost soul to find her way back to God. Here's to an exciting spiritual journey.

My parents, pa and mummy, thanks for sending me money in desperate times and also for answering my calls when I am feeling homesick and need to see you all. I know I was a challenge to raise and thank you for giving me the opportunities to pursue my passion. Without your never-ending support (despite the hopes of me being a lawyer, still not happening Pa), I will never be where I am right now, doing amazing research.

To my best friend, Heidi, thank you for being honest and supportive when I needed you. Despite us hardly meeting up, I know you are always there to give me the real advice (and also to 'sigh' about our life). We'll get there someday!

My Fitbit & beaut fam, thanks for carrying me through the first half of last year and just being the friends I needed. Thanks for constantly being fit so I am compelled to exercise. Also, the Bath Half! Can't wait to catch up with you all next week in Prague!! We are going to hit the 10k mark every day.

Summer/Winter/Spring Leftover group! Thank you thank you thank you for inviting me into your homes and filling my stomach up with delicious cooking (really can't say that enough). Also, for all the banter and interesting conversations. You all made Bristol more like home for me, for that, I will always be grateful.

To Nab, my flatmate. Thanks for dealing with my rants and mishaps of my dating life, which is (thankfully) on hiatus at the moment. To more late night talk, drinks and Netflix sharing (with Daryl haha). Glad we moved in together.

UWE Bar students, you guys. Thanks for the great night outs and for allowing this 'staff member' to join you all for lunch at the Atrium and constantly remind myself that I am lucky to have not gone down the Lawyer path.

To everyone else, you guys played a part in shaping who I am today. Your presence are like the colourful dots on my canvas, making the bigger picture even more alive. So thank you, I apologise for not being able to name you one by one, that will take too long as there are so many of you!

Here's to being a better version of myself. Liza v22.0, let's go.

Here's a very cute photo of me (no shame) in honour of my special day. Enjoy. 

 

21 and (learning to be) responsible

2017 has been.. eventful.

Turning 21 sort of catapulted myself into a series of self-reflections and re-prioritisation. I spent a lot of time thinking about the goals that I want to set for myself. Other than completing the Bath Half in 2hours and 30minutes, I wanted something else that I could constantly hold myself accountable.

I realised that I was being too hard on myself. Granted, there were days when I allowed the occasional ice cream treat and skipping that scheduled run but afterwards, I gave myself a hard time for having a relaxed time. It is toxic and on most occasion counter-productive as I'll then stress too much about having a hard time and end up not doing anything. The cycle continues.

I have been trying to not be so hard on myself and my failure to do certain things. Thanks to Son-Rise, I have the most supportive group in this area. So incredibly grateful for them. Like the BathHalf, it is a challenge that I'm taking it day by day.

Other than this personal struggle, I am strapped for cash. Too strapped. I had to temporarily stop my part-time work to focus on my degree because I know, from experience that juggling too much will be the death of me. This time, I was scared I might've pushed myself over the edge if I continued to deny the fact that I can't do everything at once.
With a tight budget comes the trouble that is cancelling already made plans and disappointing people. It is hard and heartbreaking to be the one to cancel a weekend of fun but it wasn't worth me sacrificing one month's grocery money on. Truly living the ultimate student budget life and this time I'm not just saying it. If only I could juggle work and study during a hectic deadline schedule, I would. Unfortunately, I wasn't born with expert time managing skills so tough calls had to be made.

Don't feel sorry for me though. It is not my intention to elicit empathy from you, the reader. It is instead a self-reminder that this is a tough lesson that I have to embrace and learn from it.

Speaking of study, another realisation that dawned upon me is that I absolutely suck at academic writing. I thought I was getting better after the feedback in first year but I just come to realise that I just simply can't 'critically discuss' anything. It scares me because that is the whole core of my degree, is to be able to 'critically discuss' and have a coherent argument. Trust me, it is not like I have given up trying, I TRY to sound succinct and critical in my writing but in the feedback I always seem to 'lack coherent arguments'. UGH. As much as I love blogging and reading, academic writing is just not for me.

Having said that, I will have to power through my degree and the rest of my academic life if I ever were to be able to open my own practice. I can't go on getting 2:2s for my reports now can I? That's a C in school-terms and the Asian in me, as much as I hate the stereotype, just cannot have it.

Well, finally got that off my chest. I can finally focus on my 4 essays now. *JOY*

So goals for the year:
1. Not set hair on fire
2. Get financially stable (student standards)
3. Self-discipline
4. Be OK
5. Book sessions with the writing centre and be decent in academic writing.

Wish me luck.